we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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