i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
