Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
