you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
