How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
