please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize