I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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