you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
