if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm just crazy horny about you
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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