Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
