We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
