I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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