i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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