i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
