why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize