the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
