one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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