I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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