Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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