so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
