You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
