We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
