You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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