Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
