I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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