I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
