Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
