i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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