cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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