I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
