I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
