those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
