Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
honey bunches of taint.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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