No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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