i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
