are you so shy because you have an std?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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