idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She is in my trunk
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
