It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
