I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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