so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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