Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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