I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
