How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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