Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
