I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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