Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
