the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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