You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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