so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
