im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
