it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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