please come you make the beer taste better
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
