weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
