The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
