You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
