So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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