I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
