I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize