How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
