im holly from the hills drunk
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
