how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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