I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
