it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
