Whod you bang
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
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