i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
