i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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